BDSM and Recognition

Ultimately, SadoMasochism is about overcoming

“If someone comes to you with body dysmorphia, they will leave with narcissism.”

Months ago a masochist of mine said it as a joke, but they meant it, and since then it has stayed with me. They had managed to summarise something I’ve watched happen again and again: people arriving folded in themselves, and leaving a little more certain of their place in the world.

Through their kinks, beatings, service, degradation... one becomes something to be seen rather than judged. A kind of recognition that says: “This version of you is wanted.”

Maybe that is what they meant. People aren’t here to remake who they are; they remake how they inhabit themselves. They stop being a problem and become aroused, creative and full of possibilities.